Oh Please, Turn Back the S(h)ands of Time...

...and give me the time back I've spent watching Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. Not that I've gone to the movies with any expectations, but there is still room to be surprised.

I've noticed that Jerry Bruckheimer listened very closely to the new "green wave" in Hollywood. Allocation of finite resources, recycling and the highest possible reduction of use of chemistry were concepts he clearly picked up.

The story is quickly told: a handsome young Persian orphan becomes a prince by the grace of the old wise king. When he grows up to have some more muscles, he participates in an attack on a mysterious city and by chance gets hold of a dagger that enables his owner to turn back the hands of time. It used to belong to a pretty princess, who wants it back....but of course not only her mind is set on this powerful item.

The props people did a good job, as did the CGI specialists and stunt men/ Jake Gyllenhall. You can only congratulate him on those abs and body control - I've read he had months of training in parcour, a little eye candy for the ladies. He's jumping, climbing and fighting impressively through the movie, puppy-eyed and with sweaty long hair. Gentlemen, don't be disappointed - it's not enough to take away the breath of your female companions - and there is something for you, too. Gemma Arterton with ultra long hair extensions is some nice view too, even if she's lacking any charisma. As a couple they are totally organic, as in lacking any chemistry.

Did you know that in the Middle Ages builders of churches and palaces loved to use old Roman pillars and other parts of buildings for having elaborate style while at the same time saving costs? Prince of Persia has recalled the frightening appearance of riding Nazgul (as Assassins), dungeon and sand scenes from Indiana Jones, Aladdin - oh, and did I mention views used in the computer game Assassin's Creed II? So much for the recycling.

That resources for a movie are finite, is a normal thing. But usually filmmakers try to keep a good balance between story and visual power. Jerry Bruckheimer's films have never been at an equilibrium, but this time he has outdone himself. Or as my husband put it: they should have used some of the money they gave to the CGI people to a dialogue writer. Just a little? It would have been spent well. The dialogues in this movie are an insult to your ears. Its some bits and pieces put together without any sense for timing or flow, undecided between pathos and comedy.

Maybe it wasn't the writer who needs his hands cut off, a punishment often used in ancient Persia. Maybe it's the editor. The scenes could have been nice as short clips, not as a feature film. The way it is it feels like a heartless sequence of trailer scenes. It's a crime. He certainly would have been found guilty for any punishment...

This movie can be recommended to:

1. any film major students - see how NOT to make a good movie
2. fans of Gemma Arterton or Jake Gyllenhall
3. fans of nice fight and stunt scenes void of any story
4. masochistic personalities
5. people who need the darkness of theaters for dates and who don't really wish to miss a good movie while making out...

I'm really not opposed to some nice and easy-on-the-mind action movies to have a nice evening at the movies. But there should be an outline, a shadow, a trace of a story. I desperately tried and  failed to find some in Prince of Persia.  

The only thing left to me is to remember R. Kelly's words:
"Oh how I wish,
I wish I could turn,
turn back the hands of time...."